


The First Kiss

by HeyPotterhead



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, F/M, First Kiss, Gen, New Year's Eve, New Year's Kiss, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pre-Relationship, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-19 14:30:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3613458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyPotterhead/pseuds/HeyPotterhead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky has a crush and he might have just messed everything up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Year's Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place before Bucky and Jemma started dating. Enjoy!

December 31st, 2014

He stood in front of the mirror, dressed in a sharp black suit and a pair of oxfords. He kept on tying and untying his bowtie, a sign of his nervousness. This wasn't like him, damn it. The Winter Soldier does not get nervous, especially not for stupid occasions like this. Hell, he could skip the event if he wanted to, but then he thought of how Steve was going to be all up in his grill if he backed out. After all, Bucky did promise, so whatever atrocity that follows will be nothing his fault.

A knock on the door interrupted him from his thoughts.

"Bucky," Steve called from the other side of the door. "You ready yet? We're all leaving in five."

Great, Steve was here. Bucky couldn't help but glare at himself from the mirror and frowned. He was past the point of no return now. He was going to do this.

He was going to Stark's new year's eve party.

Talking, dancing, and just socializing. Bucky cringed at the thought of socially interacting with strangers in general, really, and Stark's party would be full of it. He was more of the arrive, kill and leave guy.

Was, anyway.

It's quite hard changing his routines. He was so used to being the guy who lived for nothing but doing as he was told. Wake up with no memories, finish the mission, go back under. He had somehow grown accustomed to it, sadly, and now he had to evolve. He wasn't allowed on missions until he was cleared by the physician and shrink (oh for the love of God, the darn shrink), he wasn't even allowed to use a kitchen knife without supervision as if they thought he could start a massacre with it (well, he could, but that's not the point). Everything felt so… Foreign. 

"Just a second," he said, taking a deep breath before walking out of his apartment in the Avengers' Tower. Steve Rogers was dressed in a dark blue suit and had his hair combed back. Standing next to him was Natasha Romanov in a black strapless dress, looking enticing yet dangerous at the same time. But then again, that was how she had always looked.

"Looking sharp, Barnes," Natasha said as Steve patted him on the back.

"Thanks," Bucky faked a smile. "How long is this party going to last again?" He asked as the three walked to the elevator.

Steve rolled his eyes. "Until past midnight."

"Or until you take a girl upstairs. Or guy, I don't judge," the redhead smirked, leaning against the wall and winked.

When they reached the rooftop, the place was already crowded. Expensive decorations were placed everywhere, starting from the ice sculptures to the giant countdown ball on one end of the area and the glass walls and high ceiling designed just for the party. People were having a laugh and dancing to the jazz band performing on stage, but many of those who worked in the Tower or for SHIELD stopped what they were doing to look at him. 

The worst part when it came to evolving himself is the change in how people would look at him. Then, when he was the Winter Soldier, people would look at him in fear. At least most of them do. Now people just looked at him like he was some kind of science experiment or gossip material--depends on who you ask. He was the brainwashed assassin with a metal arm somewhat looking for redemption. He felt so powerless, so out of place and self conscious. It was like walking on eggshells.

So he ended up sitting on the barstool next to Bruce Banner, drinking his third glass of scotch and observed, well, everything. He was analyzing the room; looked for shady people and threats and exits and what not. It was a habit, a part of him that he didn't know how to turn off. As bad as it sounded, he was half hoping something weird came up. At least he didn't have to sit here all night and drink himself to oblivion. It's been three hours and he was starting to contemplate if jumping out of the building would be fun.

Romanov and Barton seemed to be having fun as they danced along to the music next to May and Coulson. Fitz was chatting with Mack and Hunter and Stark and Potts were off socializing with their guests. Wilson was flirting with Nurse Wells from the infirmary and Steve was being surrounded by a group of ladies who were obviously vying for Captain America's attention. His face was red as a tomato and he noticed his eyes kept on shifting to Darcy, who was having a drink with Doctor Foster, every thirty seconds. Bucky smiled. Steve was the same as he used to be; awkward and clueless when it came to the opposite sex. At least that's what he remembered, not that he remembered much, anyway. His memories were still a work in progress.

He scanned the room once more as he took a sip of scotch, but once he looked at the elevator as it opened, he couldn't look away.

Doctor Simmons walked into the room, wearing a white silk gown with long sleeves that fitted her upper body and flowed down like water from her waist to the floor. Her brown hair was let down in loose curls and was swept to her right shoulder. It was the first time he saw he hair down, actually. He's only seen it tied up until tonight. He liked her in that dress, and he liked her with her hair down like that. All in all, she looked amazing tonight, not that she usually doesn't. But her all dressed up like this is just... Wow.

"You like her," Dr. Banner smirked.

"No, I don't."  _Yes, he does._

"Suit yourself." The knowing smirk on Banner's face made Bucky want to rip his face off if only what he said hadn't been true. It was about time he admitted it to himself.

He liked Jemma Simmons.

It felt so wrong of him to feel this way about her. She was the woman who helped nurse him back to health when they rescued him from a Hydra base in God knows where. She was the woman who made sure he takes his medicines everyday and drew his blood samples every month for observation. She was one of his doctors, the woman who he was not supposed to have any interest in. At all.

And yet here he was, shamelessly staring at her.

 _It's just a stupid crush, it'll go away_ , he kept on telling himself. But when her eyes found his, he knew he was screwed.

She gave him a smile, mouthing a 'hi' as she waved at him. Agent Skye, who was standing behind Doctor Simmons, gave him the same damn smirk Banner had just given him.

Yup, he's screwed.

He didn't know what to do, so he just awkwardly raised his hand, awkwardly waved at her and gave her a tight smile, because  _that didn't look stupid at all._

The biochemist turned around to face Skye, and that's when he noticed that her dress was backless, exposing her pale skin. Bucky gulped. He really,  _really_  liked her in that dress.

He felt so stupid for acting like this. Back then in the 40s he was a ladies' man. Always chatting up women in bars late at night and maybe taking them home if he was lucky. He remembered that clearly.

"Bucky!" Steve was suddenly standing next to him, snapping him from his train of thoughts once more. Had he been  _that_  distracted by Simmons?

"What?" Bucky frowned, glaring at Steve.

"You promised you were going to have fun. Drinking and observing doesn't look anything like having fun at all--no offense, Bruce."

"None taken," the scientist said, drinking his liquor.

"I said I'd try."

"You don't look like trying," Steve told him. Bucky loved his best friend, he really does. But sometimes he feels like punching him in the face whenever he's becoming too much to bear, which is almost everyday for the past eight months.

"Look, why don't you try to dance with someone? I'm positive there are a lot of girls eyeing you right now."

And it was true, but Bucky only wanted to dance with one girl here, and she seemed busy talking to Agent Skye.

"If you go and dance with one girl I promise I'll be out of your hair for the rest of the night."

"Only if you pluck up the nerve to dance with Lewis," he scoffed. Steved turned red again, scratching the back if his head before agreeing. "Deal."

"Fine," Bucky sighed. Settling his glass on the coaster before getting off the barstool and looking at the women here. Should he dance with Simmons? Or would that be just too weird? But if he danced with someone else she would think that he wasn't interested in her. That is, assuming she even paid attention to him. Worse, she might even dance with someone else.

God, he was as clueless as Steve.

So he walked towards the elevator. Towards  _her_. He figured if he had to dance with someone it might as well be the person he was strangely crushing on.

He stopped right behind the brunette.  _Here goes nothing._

"Doctor Simmons," he greeted.

She turned around to face him and his breath hitched in his throat. She looked breathtakingly beautiful, looking up at him with those brown eyes under her eyelashes. He was pretty sure the look on his face seemed neutral, but damn was his heart a beating mess.

"Agent Barnes, glad to see you here," Jemma smiled.

"Glad to see you here as well, Doctor," he gave her a tight smile. "Listen, I was wondering if you would like to dance?"

"Oh, uh," she seemed quite taken aback at his request and he was starting to doubt if he should have talked to her in the first place. But then she smiled, answering, "Of course. I would love to."

He almost sighed in relief. Almost.

He offered her his arm, his flesh arm, of course. "Shall we?"

She placed her hand over his arm, nodding as he lead her to the middle of the dance floor.

She placed her hand in his as he wrapped his metal arm around her waist and they began to sway to the slow pace of the music. He noticed her slightly shivering when his metal fingertips touched her back. This was one of those moments when Bucky wished he didnt have a metal arm. He wanted to know how her skin felt against his fingers. Hell, he wanted to know how her naked skin felt against his lips--

"You look enchanting tonight, Doctor Simmons."

A blush crept up her face and she looked down shyly at her feet. He liked shy Simmons, she was adorable. "You look dashing as well, Agent Barnes."

"Oh, please, we've known each other for more than eight months now. Call me Bucky."

_Smooth, Barnes. Smooth.._

"Only if you call me Jemma," she looked up at him. Brown eyes meeting blue.

"Jemma," he said, getting used to saying her name. He liked the way her name felt when he said it. Loved it, really.

"Bucky," she smiled. He smiled back, liking how his name sounded coming out of her pretty red lips.

And so they danced, looking at each other as they swayed to the soothing music. It felt like eternity and a milisecond at the same time when the song ended, and they broke their embrace.

"Ladies and gentlemen if I could have your attention, please," Stark said, standing on the stage with a mic in his hand. "The countdown to new year is about to begin so if I were you, I'd go find someone to kiss immediately. You know, for good luck and all of that rubbish." And with that, he jumped off the stage and walked into the crowd.

Everyone started gathering in the middle of the rooftop as the ball lit up to begin the countdown.

Jemma stood beside him, her fingers fidgeting at the fabric of her dress. She seemed nervous, but so was he. He was honestly debating which would be more insulting: if he kissed her or not.

This was so confusing.

_"Ten!"_

Bucky looked at the woman standing beside him, she was counting down along with the rest of the crowd.

_"Nine!"_

Would it make things awkward if he kissed her?

_"Eight!"_

He wanted to kiss her.

_"Seven!"_

So, so, badly.

_"Six!"_

But if he didn't kiss her, there wouldn't be any other opportunity to do so.

_"Five!"_

Would there?

_"Four!"_

_Make up your damn mind, Barnes._ _  
_

_"Three!"_

She looked up at him once more, her lips curved in a bright smile and he just can't stop looking at them. 

_"Two!"_

He should really stop overthinking this.

_"One!"_

What the hell.

_"Happy new year!"_

He pulled her by the waist and placed his lips on her. Her hands slithered up his chest and wrapped themselves around his neck, pulling him closer. Their lips slowly but urgently moved against each other as he held her tighter. He paid no attention to the fireworks that lit up the dark night sky or all the people around them. All of his senses were overloaded with Jemma. Her vanilla scent, her soft skin, the cherry taste of her lips, and the sound of her gasping for breath when they broke apart.

Jemma stepped back. Her face was red and she looked as if she had seen a ghost. She seemed  _mortified_.

"Jemma," Bucky began, trying to make up words to apologize to her. "Look, I--"

Lifting the train of her dress, she ran away. Dashing to the open elevator and looked down to avoid his eyes as the doors closed.

And so she left him there without a word. Leaving him confused and angry and disappointed in the midst of all the happy, cheering people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a while to get this one right and I must say I'm not truly satisfied with it yet. I'll do some editing when I can, though. Anyway, a penny for your thoughts? Have a great day!
> 
> River
> 
> EDITED: 26/03/2015


	2. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EDITED: 08/04/2014

Thirty days.

Thirty days had passed since they kissed. Meaning it had been thirty days of Jemma cautiously avoiding Bucky.

She would take alternative routes, like using the stairs in the morning to go to the lab because she knows that's about the same time he uses the elevator to go to the gym (she even skipped the gym for the whole period), or avoiding the hallways where they usually pass each other. She also made Nurse Wells be the one to remind him to take his daily dose of meds. It was harder than she thought it would be, because he was suddenly everywhere ever since the new year's party that she almost ran into him more than ten times. Almost.

However, she couldn't shake the memories away. She could still feel his hands on her waist and his lips against hers. She remembered her heart beating so fast when he grabbed her by the waist and kissed her under the fireworks. It was all so sudden and so good but so, so _wrong_. Her head kept on telling her that he was her patient and that she, out of all people, should know that keeping things professional was a must. That was why she left without an explanation.

Did she feel guilty? Very. But she really didn't know what to do. She was already wreck way before she even got to the Tower and adding whatever  _that_ was seemed to be a recipe for disaster. So here she was, thirty days later, working in the lab hoping he wouldn't come see her because she had made Doctor Porter be the one to do his monthly checkup today at the infirmary.

Alas, she was wrong.

Bucky banged the door door open, causing Jemma to shriek in surprise and almost drop the vial of blood that was in her hands. He looked angry, his face red and knuckles white.

"Jemma, we need to talk," he said, standing right in front of her.

"Good morning to you as well, Agent Barnes," she said, trying to ignore his glare as she returned to working on the samples.

"Cut the crap, Jemma. Why have you been avoiding me?"

"I haven't been avoiding you," she lied.

"Then at least look at me." She froze in place, eyes fixed on the ground as her heart pounded. His face was barely inches away from hers now, his breath hot on her cheek.

"Can't you see I'm working?" The brunette quietly said.

"Face it, we kissed and--"

"That's the problem, you kissed me!" she snapped, placing the vials in her hands harshly on the table and looked right at him in the eye.

"And you kissed me back!" He snapped back at her. "You kissed me back and then you left without a word. And not only that, you avoided me for thirty days straight! What kind of person does that?"

Jemma stood there, looking at him for what felt like eternity. She knew what she wanted to say, she knew what was holding her back from him. And honestly, she didn't feel like she had the right to say it to him. It would just make things worse.

But she did.

"I like you, okay?" She confessed. "I like you and we kissed. You're my _patient_. Do you know what kind of ungodly chaos can ensue because of it? I understand that you only kissed me because it was midnight and the whole new year's kiss was going on but--"

"No," he cut her off.

"What?"

"I said no."

Her brows furrow in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I didn't kiss you because of that," he sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. "Well, part of it, yes. But--I can't believe I'm going to say this--I kissed you because I like you. Hell, I've liked you for months now." His words made her stare at him with her mouth agape, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

Oh.

_Oh._

Well, that was unexpected.

"You do?" She asked, trying to make sure that this wasn't some cruel prank he was pulling on her.

"Well, yeah," he gave her a small smile, stepping forward and placing his hands on the side of her arms. "I do."

She couldn't help the smile that formed on her face. _Bucky liked her_. Jemma felt like the fifteen-year-old with glasses and braces again, crushing on the hot, older guy from the Academy who seemed way too cool to notice her, but this time happier. However, that feeling faltered when she remembered their circumstances.

"But I'm your doctor."

"So what?"

"It's unprofessional, that's what," she sighed, breaking away from his grip and stepping away from him. She was panicking, pacing back and forth.

"I mean, we could have gotten into so much trouble and it's not like nobody knows about what happened. We kissed in a place full of people and--"

"Jemma."

"--Coulson! He probably knows and you know how he gets about these kind of things--"

"Jemma."

"--He's been giving me knowing looks for the past month like everyone else and I--"

Jemma was cut off when Bucky held her by the shoulders and placed his lips on hers. It was different than the first time they had kissed. This one was rough and hot and just plain _raw_. She kissed him back with just as much fervor, placing her hands on his chest and clutching at his skin black shirt. He carefully pushed her to an empty table near the window, and in the heat of the moment she wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him harder. It was intense and she felt like the room temperature had just significantly rose. She gasped when he suddenly pulled away from her, almost whimpering at the loss of contact, and suddenly the room had became silent except for the sounds of them gasping for air, trying to catch their breath.

"Are you going to run away now?" He smirked. Somehow, the tension and inner conflict she had seemed to fade away just like that. She liked Bucky, and he liked her, too. It was time for her to stop worrying, take a chance and let herself be truly happy for once.

"Oh, shut up!" She smacked his chest playfully, laughing. 

"Look," he began, "Romanov and Barton are involved, so are Stark and Potts and they're alright. All I'm saying is, if me being your patient is the only thing that is holding you back, then I will gladly hand over my patient status to Doctor Porter. When we're out on the field, I promise I'll keep things professional. But you have to call me Bucky. No Agent Barnes nonsense." They were both smiling now, their past argument long forgotten.

"Alright," she conceded. "You have a deal."

"Well, in that case," he smirked at her once again, slowly walking to the door. "Meet me at the lobby, seven o'clock tonight. We're going out. Don't be late." He winked at the biochemist before leaving her alone in the lab flabbergasted and jittery.

 _Screw professionalism,_ she thought as she cheekily stared at his backside when he walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! If anybody was waiting for an update, then I am truly sorry it took a while. I'm currently focusing on my studies for my national exams (which is in nine days, yikes!) and college applications but I didn't want to keep you waiting so here is chapter two! Writing this took me a while because I literally made six different versions of how Jemma dealt with Bucky post-kiss but I hope you liked it. Do leave me your thoughts and have a great day!
> 
> River


End file.
